SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
