Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
