i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
