I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
