You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
