Hey man sorry I got all grabby
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
