he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
