my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
