There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
