here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
