ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
