I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
