i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
