If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
