So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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