im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize