I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
