You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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