Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
