i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
