i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
