In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
