He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Also, beer. Big fan.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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