meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
