South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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