Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
