We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
