If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
