If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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