I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
