If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize