What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
