Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize