You're completely useless in the revolution.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize