So drunk its hurt
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
