i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My ATM looks so different sober.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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