Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Green mimosas i think yes
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dicks are not precious.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize