He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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