she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
