Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
