No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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