This girl is more easily done than said...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
