Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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