so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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