It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
