So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
