I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
