not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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