is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
