My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
