he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
