Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
bring money and cleavage
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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