Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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