Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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