dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
