ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize