Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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