how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
