Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She's the barista slut.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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