Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
