I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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