Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
