she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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