I wannas sexs uuuuu
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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