I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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