U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
