I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
