I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
