i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
What a dumb baby whore.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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