He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I deserve this hangover.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
