I'm drive I can fine osifer
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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