this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
