the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
