i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
