that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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