with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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