Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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