Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do vagina's smell?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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