The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
