I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
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