Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
